Friday, January 24, 2014

On guilt and confidence


Hi, my name is Theresa and my 7 ½ month old son just slept in a crib for the first time.  Before that he was in an infant basinet beside our bed.

There, I got that off my chest. 

One of the most surprising things to me, in this new journey of parenting, is how little confidence I feel.  I always thought, pre-children, that mothering would come easy.  After all, I have a degree in teaching them, I’ve held infants since I was very young, and at any party I’ve been to, I find the baby and hold it.  I know babies.  I love them.

And then we had Liam.

With that came this feeling of a total lack of knowledge and confidence in what we’re doing. 

And the questions? Oh the questions!  Should I be holding him right now? Is he getting enough food? Did he sleep long enough? Should I be playing with him, or should he learn to play on his own? Should he be in the church nursery, or maybe in church with us? Is that just the sniffles, or something more that I need to check out?  Did I feed him the right food in the right order? Will he learn to like sweet potatoes?  Should I be letting him cry at night or will that hinder his attachment to us?

And on.
And on.
And on.

Added to all of that the opinions of others.  I think a large part of our guilt and lack of confidence is our comparison to others. We look at how others parent their children and think we need to do things the same way. As if there is some sort of cookie cutter method. Do A and B and that will equal C.

And here (at the beginning of this journey I realize) is what I’ve learned.

I need to trust my gut.  I need to do what feels right in the moment. Sure I’ll make lots of mistakes along the way, and we’ll deal with the consequences of those mistakes I’m sure, but in the end, he’s ours.  God has entrusted him to us to raise in the best way we know how.  His grace will cover our shortcomings and the praise will be His when we do something right.


I’m off to feed my son some lunch?  Yogurt. That’s what he’s supposed to have, right?

6 comments:

  1. And...it doesn't get too much easier! Should I discipline him, or let it go this time (after all he had a very busy day), should I force feed or let it go that he refuses to eat), etc. It's good to be informed but like you said, follow your 'gut' feeling. Especially when they're little. You can't really spoil them under 1 (although you can get them used to habits that are difficult to break!)
    I'm sure you're doing a great job, Theresa!!

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    1. Thanks Sanny! I'm sure it's not going to get any easier, but at least I know I'm not the only one that second guesses myself :)

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  2. I'm pretty sure you are doing a fantastic job and doing things exactly right for you and your family. You'll quickly learn (obviously already have!) that everyone has an opinion (and some like to share it more than others) and that there really is no right or wrong. Keep doing what you are doing . . . .especially enjoying every moment. I love seeing your delight in the things a lot of others take for granted. It's beautiful!!
    p.s Karter (my 4th) was in our room in a pack n play by far the longest of any of the kids (I think almost a year!) and still finds his way in our bed at some point during the night almost every night. Shhhhhhhhhh! :)
    p.p.s Keep blogging. I like your reasons and it is so fun to look back. My kids love looking back on our blog and I bet Liam will love seeing "his story" someday too!

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    1. Thanks for the kind words Denise! It's good advise - people do have lots of opinions about it all, but in the end we're the parents right?

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  3. You're doing a wonderful job, Theresa. You guys love Liam to bits and he knows it. There is no one parenting "style" that is the best - every mom and dad and child is different - do what works and makes sense for you. I'm sure all parents make mistakes here and there (I know I've made more than my fair share!!) and there will always be new challenges. Just remember Whose glory you are raising him for. I think you can't give little ones too many "lovies".
    Stephen loves yogurt for lunch :)

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    1. Thanks Rach! I think what you said is important - we will all make mistakes, but in the end we are doing it all for the glory of God!

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