Fragile

My heart is fragile.  I wonder, "will it ever be steadfast"?  Will I ever be able to hear some young newlywed tell news of their pregnancy without wondering, "Why not me?"  Will I ever be able to hold a little one in my arms that isn't borrowed just for a minute?  I don't know. 

And so, as I look forward with anticipation for this new year, the year of the Lord 2012, I feel fragile.

I want, with everything in me, to hope that this is the year that God will choose to bless us with a child.  I want to hope, but if I hope, I might be dissapointed. 

We've had some very good sermons in the last few days reminding us of the priority of trust. 

"I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future."

Fertility doctor a thing of the past, adoption process part of the future, but the now of it all is unknown.  I have to trust. I have no other option.  It will be His good plan.  I have to rest in that. 

And so, with faltering steps, I walk into this new year.  With my husband and best friend by my side, and my heavenly Father guiding our way.