My heart is fragile. I wonder, "will it ever be steadfast"? Will I ever be able to hear some young newlywed tell news of their pregnancy without wondering, "Why not me?" Will I ever be able to hold a little one in my arms that isn't borrowed just for a minute? I don't know.
And so, as I look forward with anticipation for this new year, the year of the Lord 2012, I feel fragile.
I want, with everything in me, to hope that this is the year that God will choose to bless us with a child. I want to hope, but if I hope, I might be dissapointed.
We've had some very good sermons in the last few days reminding us of the priority of trust.
"I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future."
Fertility doctor a thing of the past, adoption process part of the future, but the now of it all is unknown. I have to trust. I have no other option. It will be His good plan. I have to rest in that.
And so, with faltering steps, I walk into this new year. With my husband and best friend by my side, and my heavenly Father guiding our way.