The Clinic

It was a snowy February day when I walked into the clinic for the second time.

Just walking through those doors was tough. It meant that another cycle had arrived. Another unsucessful month.

I was greated by a secretary, who, in my later observations, was a multitasker like no other I've seen.

I took a seat, found some magazine I really didn't care to read and flipped through the pages. I was nervous. I'm not sure why, but I was nervous. Maybe it was the internal ultrasound that I knew was coming. Maybe it was the unknown. But somehow I fealt ill prepared for the meeting that was about to take place.

As I looked around I saw all types of people. Older, younger. White, coloured. Nationalities varied. They all looked sort of out of place. Like there was an elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about. You know, the elephant of infertility. They were all here because they wanted a child and a child wasn't happening.

As I sat there I thought about what was coming. And about the page in the magazine where they talked about fitness. And about my husband back at home. And about our journey. Actually about His journey.

Anyway, I had blood work done. I had an internal ultrasound. I was prescribed medicine. And I didn't blink an eye. I didn't ask a single question. I just sat there and let my life and my fertility and my decisions and my health happen. I didn't do anything to question it, I just let it happen.

Until I got to the car. Then I fell apart. I cried the whole way home and for the whole afternoon and for the evening. I vented to my husband. I asked questions. I wondered. I worried. I prayed. I tried to figure out what was happening. I read up on the medicine that I was given.

And after all that we've made some decisions. We've decided to not take the medicine yet. I'm not comfortable with it. We are going to ask questions. We are going to take charge of our life. We are going to only do one step at a time when we are ready, not when the doctor is. We are going to pray and try to trust. We are going to wait and hope and love and laugh.

All because of a trip to the clinic.

In His time,
In His time,
He makes all things beautiful
In His time.
Lord my life to you I give,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You an offering,
In Your time.