I keep saying to people, "We are given more grace then we deserve."
I feel like I should be freaking out. I should be wondering why. I should be sad. I should be devestated. And some moments? I am.
But mostly, we're ok. We're trusting and hoping and looking forward to the future. I read the other day, "Don't worry about the future. God is there." And I know that's true. Whatever future He lays out for us, He'll be there.
Sunday morning, in a sermon on the first commandment (Thou shalt have no other gods before Me) our Pastor was talking about what we fear. What are you most afraid off? And in answer to that question I came to realize that I am most afraid of being old, lonely and childless. I am terrified of getting to the point in our marriage that we've been married for a very long time and still have no children. I'm scared that I will never be a mother. But our Pastor went on to say that what we fear can take the place of God.
What we fear can take the place of God!
In otherwords, for me, wanting a home full of children can become so consuming that we can neglect our fear of God. Our desire to stop our fears from being realized in our lives can become the only thing that we work at.
And if I'm honest, and I look back at the last few years, I have that tendency. Fertility treatments are all consuming. My time, my energy, my brain, everything can be focussed on having a child. And in the middle of that I can forget to fear God. I can forget to rely on Him for my needs.
All this to say, the path ahead is full of uncertainty. The journey that awaits us is long and full of work and probably full of hard. But I want to make a point of focussing on God and not on the circumstances. Looking to Him and trusting Him to make everything else fall into place.
And at the end of the day, nothing else is worthy of our fear then God Almighty.
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction."