Tuesday, June 21, 2011

In His plan

Psalm 33:10,11
The LORD brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;

He makes the plans of the peoples of no effect.

The counsel of the LORD stands forever,
The plans of His heart to all generations.

If you know me, you know that I love to plan. I love to know what is coming next and be prepared for it.  I love to look ahead and anticipate the next turn so that when it comes, I'm already prepared. 
And then we started this journey of infertility.  I feel like the last 4 years have been a constant struggle for me.  I want to plan, and I can't.  I want to know what my life will look like in a year, but I can't. I want to know what I'm doing in September, but I can't.
And so, I have to trust. I have to go back, time and time again, to my knees and give my plans over to Him.  I have to know that what He has planned is even better than what I could have planned.  To trust in the "plans of His heart."
Let me explain. 
I quit my job. And Mike quit his.  You see, we had talked in February and decided that this was the time for me to take the time to look into options for our future. Going to the fertility doctor consumes a lot of time and energy, somethings I didn't have enough of while I was working. Looking into adoption and doing the paper takes a lot of time and enery, somethings I didn't have enough of.  So we had decided that I would quit my job and spend my time and energy looking into these things. 
Then, after a few months, things started to fall into place for Mike to start his own company.  And so, he quit his current job to start out on his own (p.s. need computer work?  douma.ca).  Just writing that gives me palpatations, but we're taking a leap of faith and we're going to do it.
So, that left the two of us without a job, trying to have a baby.  Ha!
And then, once again, God threw the unexpected into our path.  
I read in the bulletin that CDIA was looking for teachers to spend a week and a half in Haiti. 
As soon as I read it, I knew that was me.
 - It's my dream to do short-term missions. I've done it in the past, and am excited to do it again. 
 - I don't have a job, so I have the time to be able to give up a week and a half in August. 
 - I don't have children at home, so I'm free to go.
And so, here we go. Down another road. Down a different path.  Maybe just a detour for now, but maybe not.  I was mentioning to a friend who had asked what I was doing in the Fall (boy, do I get that a lot, but that's another post) that I don't know. I used to think that I could look ahead a few months and have an idea what I'm going to be doing. But now, I have no clue. I know what I'm doing tommorrow, and sometimes ahead to the weekend, but in a few months? No idea.
So, with eyes wide open, and hearts beginning to let go, we're taking a leap of faith.
We're trusting that for right now we are in His will and that He will plan our lives. 

1 comment:

  1. Exciting! Scary!
    And you know, I'm in the same boat right now. Well, similar boat anyways. Tomorrow is my last day of work! Over the last couple years I've reduced my hours greatly, I am only working 13 hours a week now and tomorrow is the end of that. And like you, I really don't know what is next. I'm praying for God to open doors. On the one hand I'm excited, I'm glad to be finishing this job, as I know my time there is over. But not knowing what is next, and how to find what is next can be a little scary. But as you said, God has a plan, He is in control and He is good.
    Thanks for sharing!