The problem of hope

Each month it happens again.

I start to hope.

Maybe this will be the month. Maybe this will be our time. Maybe God will say 'yes' to our prayers.

I start to hope.

And that's a problem. Because you see, if you start to hope, than you have to also be ready for the fall. Because the answer may be no. It might not be this month. This might not be our time. God may say 'not yet'.

And that is very difficult to take.
And yet, if you don't hope, the only other feeling left is hopelessness.
And that's not a good place to be.

If you don't let yourself hope than you don't let yourself experience the joy or sadness that comes with it.

I know that some day I will look back on this month, this year, this season of life and I'll know why. I'll be able to see God's perfect plan. I'll know that He is good and that He is teaching us the things we need to know.

But for right now, all I can do is hope.

And in that hoping I have to know that I might fall.

It might hurt a lot.

But it might also bring greater joy.

Greater trust.

Greater love.